The Importance of Marriage, and Being (not just sounding) Honest

September 19, 2010
Matthew 5:31-37


In the late 1700s, two Americans had lived through the Revolution and seen the new country established. One of them, Thomas Jefferson, concluded that God may have set the universe in motion, but any good effects in the current world were the result of human action, not God's intervention. The other American, George Washington, understood that God had worked in the battles and in the creation of the new government. He interrupted his inaugural address with testimony that God deserved the credit and prayer that God would continue to guide.

The first attitude seems to have prevailed in Jesus' time. God created the world and gave Moses some good instructions, but now it was up to people themselves to live as well as they could. Jesus came with the news that there was more to life than carefully interpreting and following rules. God Himself wants to be involved in our lives, making us into good people who think about pleasing Him, not about following rules.

Because God wants to be part of our lives, the teachings of Jesus cover a wide variety of topics. In this class session, we looked at two of them: Marriage and Honesty.

Importance of Marriage

The marriage relationship is part of God's plan for social structure. Marriage is not required of each person; singleness is an option. But there is a definite purpose for marriage. The family unit is based upon a man and a woman committing themselves to each other. This commitment is described as "becoming one flesh," essentially creating a new life. And those who have experienced divorce agree that ending a marriage is very much like ending a life.

Marriage is best understood as a covenant, not a contract. In a contract, two people agree to the terms and conditions of further involvement. Each person is essentially saying, "My rights are as important as yours, and I will cooperate as long as you respect that."

In a covenant, a person commits to an action without an escape clause. God's commitment to Israel was a covenant. Israel could abandon God, but God would continue to offer His protection and guidance. The Old Testament book of Hosea was offered as an example. Both partners in a marriage covenant have committed themselves to the survival of the marriage. Rather than a 50-50 partnership, each person in a balanced marriage is ready to give 90 percent or more. Discussion suggested that both partners in a marriage often feel that they contribute far more than the other person.

Discussion about God's purpose for marriage brought out several interesting points:

• The influence of a marriage lasts for generations. So does the influence of a broken marriage.
• Our bodies are not separate from our spirits. Our actions in marriage, as in all of life, have an impact on our spiritual development.
• The power of our initial decision will influence how well that decision will be carried out. This is why it is important to understand the difference between God's view of marriage (intended to last a lifetime) and the view of many Americans (so long as it's easy).
• Our brains seem designed to create a marriage union as God designed it. We didn't have any trained psychologists in class to help us with the terminology, but it was understood that the brain functions best when a sexual union is permanent.

In a related passage, Jesus was asked about Moses' commands about divorce. Jesus re-phrased the question. Moses permitted divorce; he didn't command it. God intended for marriage to be a permanent covenant. However, if the covenant is broken, there is provision for recognizing this in the legal system. Jesus only mentioned adultery as evidence of the broken covenant. Many Christians today might expand that definition to include abuse, for instance. But the principle behind divorce is a broken covenant, not "incompatibility."

A book was found helpful by some in the class: The Best Year of a Groom's Life/The Best Year of a Bride's Life. (I may have the title wrong; I didn't find it by Googling.)

Being Honest

In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus reacted to the hair-splitting about what constitued a true oath. In Matthew 23:16-22, some of the fine distinctions are listed. If you swore by the gift on the altar, your statement had to be true; if you swore by the altar, it didn't. Apparently people were looking for ways of sounding honest without actually being honest.

Jesus threw that whole system out. His followers are to be known as honest. Period. Speak honestly, keep your word, and nothing more is needed.

Of course, in a society where everything is measured by how carefully a legal contract is phrased, Christ-followers are expected to sign contracts, take legal oaths, and so on. But Christ-followers are not to play legal games. They don't look for clever ways to deceive or take advantage.

There are some passages (Psalm 15:1-4, Deuteronomy 23:21-23) that emphasize how seriously God takes our promises to Him. Of course, broken promises are no worse (but also no better) than adultery or stealing, and God's grace can bring restoration. But disciples are offered a life of honesty, as God's Spirit works within us.

At the end of class, the topic of foolish oaths was touched on. Jepthah was mentioned, and his story is in Judges 11, with the oath in verses 30-39.

Jesus Elevates Marriage

September 12, 2010
Matthew 5:31-32
It has been said, Anyone who divorces his wife . . .

David gave us three goals for the discussion on marriage and divorce:

• No condemnation: The point of the passage is to view the importance of marriage, not to criticize those who have been divorced.
• God's values: The larger passage helps us see God's perspective on life, which certainly includes the marriage relationship.
• How to avoid divorce: As a pastor, David gleaned some insights from scripture and experience.

Why did Jesus teach about divorce?

In this section, Jesus has been clarifying what has gone wrong with the law's interpretation. The disciples needed tools to help others (and themselves; some were married) live godly lives. He gave specific applications for His followers. The previous topic was sexual immorality, and the meaning of marriage would be a logical progression. And, as in all the related passages, Jesus is raising the bar for His followers in order to change the world.

What is Jesus trying to communicate?

His followers are not to blend in with society. Exploitation of women is particularly condemned in this passage (and others). Jesus acknowledges the law, but then adds His interpretation. He wasn't correcting the law, but taking it back to its meaning.

His own authority is sufficient to establish a teaching. He doesn't brag about His authority, but simply assumes it. Gradually, His hearers began to realize who He must be.

Obeying the law

The religious system was devised to make it possible to obey the law. Obedience was thought to be the road to God, so loopholes were included (often designed by humans) for some of the difficult standards. Jesus was stressing the meaning behind the religious system. Jesus was pointing to a much higher standard, but He was also offering forgiveness and restoration, and He offers the Holy Spirit to help us live by the higher standard.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 gave some additional instructions about how divorce was to work in Jewish society. It required legal action, even back then, rather than just the whim of a man. But divorce was not the intention for people. Genesis 2:24 mentions "leave, cleave, and become" as the goal. In Matthew 19:18, Jesus says that human stubbornness and waywardness was the reason divorce procedures were given to the Jews.

God values marriage. He allows divorce.

Why is God opposed to divorce?

Divorce was a symbol of Israels' unfaithfulness, as described in the book of Hosea in the Old Testament. Marriage is a metaphor for our own relationship to God. The human pain and suffering in each divorce is symbolic of what God experiences in human rejection of Him. The descriptive phrase "one flesh" goes beyond the sexual union.

Some insights from David's pastoral experience

The three greatest causes of divorce: Money, sex, in-laws.

To singles: Make a good first choice. When you first sense a bond developing, talk about how you see your lives progressing. Take your time to be certain.

To couples: Something drew you together - keep the fire going. "Becoming one" is a process. To come to the end of life as "one flesh" is worth it.

Disciples should lop off body parts?

September 5, 2010
Matthew 5:27-30

Jesus offers forgiveness to all of us who have sinned, but that doesn't mean He regards sin as of no consequence. He allowed Himself to be killed so that we could have peace with God. Now that He is alive again and leading His disciples, He calls us to understand how important it is to live like His followers.

The passage includes instructions to pluck out our eyes if they cause us to sin, or cut off our hands if they lead us away from God. We do NOT think this is a literal instruction. But it must mean something or He wouldn't have said it. Jesus was emphasizing that His followers should be focused on Him and on His Kingdom. If friendships, hobbies, or habits separate us from God's ways, then we need to give them up. We are to have pure motives and desires as we follow Jesus. Anything that pollutes that purity is to be surrendered.

Jesus makes it quite clear that He is not very concerned about the external appearances. He is very concerned about our inner attitudes and motives. Avoiding technical adultery (the act) is admirable, but far more important is not dwelling on the possibilities in our minds. To "look at the menu without ordering," in one class member's phrase, is not acceptable sexual behavior for the devoted Christian.

We re-drew the circle that David used a few weeks ago. Jesus calls us to live in the center of that "Kingdom Circle," as close to God as possible. Trying to find the boundaries of the circle, and living as close to the edge as possible, is not Kingdom living as God plans it. Instead, that's what the "outward God-followers" were doing in Jesus' time and in ours. "So long as I don't actually DO anything, why should anyone care?" is the wrong attitude. Instead, we should understand that "God loves me, Jesus died for me, and I want to live all my life as close to their plan as the Spirit leads."

Class discussion also pointed out that sex is not the central focus of the Kingdom. Jesus acknowledged sexual sins and even expanded their definition. Paul mentions them in his letters to early church members. But they are not at all the center of Christian behavior. Pride, jealousy, and hatred are mentioned far more than sexual sins. But Jesus wants our entire lives centered upon God, and the sexual impulse needs to be under the Spirit's control as well.

When it comes to our behavior in this area, Jesus' words about cutting off hands and plucking out eyes may be similar to an admonition another class member shared, "Be not a baker if your head be made of butter."

Class discussion noted that these passages were originally given in a time when women were practically considered as property. The fact that Jesus places responsibility on men to control their thoughts is a major step in the recognition of women as equal citizens in the Kingdom. It took a long time for this principle to work through the Christ-movement, but Jesus' followers led the fight for women's rights, at least in Britain and the United States.

As we wrapped up our discussion, the following points were noted:

• The business of cutting off hands applies to much more of life than just to the sexual impulse. And maybe giving up music or the computer would be more effective in leading a God-focused life than gouging out an eye.
• A husband and wife can (but shouldn't) look outside the marriage for more than adultery. That is, it is possible to lust after other things than sex.
• Adultery is closely related to coveting. When we focus on things that are not ours, and that are not supposed to be ours, then we live outside God's best for us.

Reconciliation: It's up to me?

August 29, 2010
Matthew 5:23-26

Part of this passage seemed very reasonable. It's hard to focus on God when we're mad at another human. Before we can worship, we need to reconcile with those who've angered us.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says that our anger can give the devil a foothold. While none of us gave examples of the devil working in our lives, we did agree that anger and resentment interfere with our Christian life.

In this case, reconciliation is different than what Jesus offers us. We are to be reconciled with God through Jesus' death and resurrection. This means that we stop rebelling against God and His ways. We admit that we've been wrong, and that God knows best. We agree to let Him lead. Reconciliation with God means that we totally agree with Him.

But in this passage, a different form of the word is used. Instead of one side giving in completely, an agreement is to be reached by both parties, involving compromise and understanding. Obviously, this requires both parties to be involved. Matthew 18:15-20 gives an approach for dealing with those who have made us angry.

Another part of this week's passage really challenges us. Not only are we to make things right with those who've upset us, but we're also to make the first move if somebody else is mad at us.

We didn't mention it in class, but I suppose that one part of this is easier. If we know our actions have upset someone else, we do need to apologize and admit our error. But the passage goes way beyond our own actions. No matter what their problem with us is, if we recognize that there's a problem, we're supposed to try to solve it.

This way of looking at disagreements is very hard. The other person may be mistaken, may be selfish, may even be hateful. But we are to be as worried about their resentment as we are about our own. If our own resentment interferes with worship, so does theirs. And we have a responsibility to help them get over it.

The class pointed out that this carries out the theme from the earlier verses. We don't speak evilly of other people because they are valuable in God's sight. By calling them "fool" or "worthless," we devalue them. Helping them to get past their anger demonstrates that we value them as people, and that we want to help them live in close relationship to God.

This focus on other people's resentment can also help us get past our own self-justification, allowing God to give us a broader view of our actions and their consequences.

But reconciling with another human is a two-way street. The other person must be willing to take part in the process. We are not told to surrender to the other person. We read Romans 12:18 as well, where Paul basically says, "Do your best, but it does take two to agree."

We went back to the Matthew 18 passage for a little clarification. If we can't reach agreement one-on-one, we can involve another person in resolving the dispute. But if we aren't to speak evil of the person we've got problems with (Matthew 5:22), how are we to tell somebody else that we're even upset?

As we live by Jesus' principles, we become better at recognizing our own motives. This is one more case where making up a set of rules won't work. We have to rely upon the Holy Spirit to teach us whether we're really trying to resolve the situation or just complaining and criticizing.

This week's take-aways:

• We are to fight resentment within us, and also to help those who resent us. This reaching out to others expands our responsibilities quite a bit.
• Reconciliation with others is different from reconciliation with God. We are to reach a mutual agreement with other people. We are to surrender to God.
• When we speak of our frustrations to others, we should be really interested in reconciliation. We must avoid mere gossiping, or even revenge.
• The basic principle seems to be: Don't allow anger to build up or fester. Allow God to change you. And we have special obligations to help those who are angry with us.