Reconciliation: It's up to me?

August 29, 2010
Matthew 5:23-26

Part of this passage seemed very reasonable. It's hard to focus on God when we're mad at another human. Before we can worship, we need to reconcile with those who've angered us.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says that our anger can give the devil a foothold. While none of us gave examples of the devil working in our lives, we did agree that anger and resentment interfere with our Christian life.

In this case, reconciliation is different than what Jesus offers us. We are to be reconciled with God through Jesus' death and resurrection. This means that we stop rebelling against God and His ways. We admit that we've been wrong, and that God knows best. We agree to let Him lead. Reconciliation with God means that we totally agree with Him.

But in this passage, a different form of the word is used. Instead of one side giving in completely, an agreement is to be reached by both parties, involving compromise and understanding. Obviously, this requires both parties to be involved. Matthew 18:15-20 gives an approach for dealing with those who have made us angry.

Another part of this week's passage really challenges us. Not only are we to make things right with those who've upset us, but we're also to make the first move if somebody else is mad at us.

We didn't mention it in class, but I suppose that one part of this is easier. If we know our actions have upset someone else, we do need to apologize and admit our error. But the passage goes way beyond our own actions. No matter what their problem with us is, if we recognize that there's a problem, we're supposed to try to solve it.

This way of looking at disagreements is very hard. The other person may be mistaken, may be selfish, may even be hateful. But we are to be as worried about their resentment as we are about our own. If our own resentment interferes with worship, so does theirs. And we have a responsibility to help them get over it.

The class pointed out that this carries out the theme from the earlier verses. We don't speak evilly of other people because they are valuable in God's sight. By calling them "fool" or "worthless," we devalue them. Helping them to get past their anger demonstrates that we value them as people, and that we want to help them live in close relationship to God.

This focus on other people's resentment can also help us get past our own self-justification, allowing God to give us a broader view of our actions and their consequences.

But reconciling with another human is a two-way street. The other person must be willing to take part in the process. We are not told to surrender to the other person. We read Romans 12:18 as well, where Paul basically says, "Do your best, but it does take two to agree."

We went back to the Matthew 18 passage for a little clarification. If we can't reach agreement one-on-one, we can involve another person in resolving the dispute. But if we aren't to speak evil of the person we've got problems with (Matthew 5:22), how are we to tell somebody else that we're even upset?

As we live by Jesus' principles, we become better at recognizing our own motives. This is one more case where making up a set of rules won't work. We have to rely upon the Holy Spirit to teach us whether we're really trying to resolve the situation or just complaining and criticizing.

This week's take-aways:

• We are to fight resentment within us, and also to help those who resent us. This reaching out to others expands our responsibilities quite a bit.
• Reconciliation with others is different from reconciliation with God. We are to reach a mutual agreement with other people. We are to surrender to God.
• When we speak of our frustrations to others, we should be really interested in reconciliation. We must avoid mere gossiping, or even revenge.
• The basic principle seems to be: Don't allow anger to build up or fester. Allow God to change you. And we have special obligations to help those who are angry with us.